kristin has been a bad kristin
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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