it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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