On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
