Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You ate ashes out of my bong
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
