Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
