Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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