i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
