So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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