hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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