I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
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Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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