Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize