this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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