it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
