Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
40s are totally the cure
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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