respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
