the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
