Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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