nut hugger
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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