Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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