be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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