I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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