my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
