I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
