therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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