she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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