hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
