Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
