Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
