a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
