my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize