But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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