It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
