im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
