Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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