yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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