Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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