So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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