I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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