Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
