You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
