So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
