.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
