Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
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you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.