i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
