I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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