I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
