there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
