I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
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I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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