i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
