I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
