Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
where are you?
Hypothermia
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
