Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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