Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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