Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So many bounce houses so little time
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
