New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You took a bar mat shot.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
