I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
