I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
