I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
