1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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