Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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