do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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