so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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