She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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