he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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