I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
