so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
