I love black thongs
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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