its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
