you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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